Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in tyler_crotch's LiveJournal:

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Monday, November 23rd, 2009
6:28 pm	i spent the weekend in santa cruz and re-evaluated the pros of life spent outside. i traded shirts with a homeless man. he looked really good in mine. i spend too much of my time fluttering about, allowing myself to be picked up by awful television shows and dramatic conversations. i really, really love sinead o'connor right now. for the first time in years, i've allowed myself to be halfway through two different novels at the same time. i'm DISGUSTED with my cowardice. my brother went into detox today with a bac of .3% and already had withdrawal shakes. bill, dicky, miles, and i recorded a punk song the other night called "punk pummel pussy pie". falling in love, at this point of my life, seems like it'd be really awesome. that is, if it were just holding hands in a park and having dirty sex after maudlin kisses. the fact that it requires a little more attention and responsibility than that is what kind of scares me off. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 15th, 2009
8:42 pm	i always, constantly, persistently, think i have a mouthful to say. but i guess it just ends up being a mouthful to swallow. the other night i was standing on some pier that overlooks new york city, and i was told behind tears that i am guarded, and my inability to be open and unfeigned can hurt people. i didn't feel guilty, because i've never put up a wall with malicious intentions, i've never meant to target anyone with my apprehension toward emotional outpour. it's just something i prefer to keep to myself. first of all, i don't think it's very important. secondly, i don't think it's very interesting. lastly, the dribble that flows through my mind is comparable to the dribble that flows through yours, so can't we just look at new york city and clairvoyantly share everything? when i fall in love with you, platonically or romantically, i will tell you everything. i promise. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 22nd, 2009
11:22 pm	thursday night studies Arthur Shawcross: 'They would wire up little kids or babies like land mines and put them where we would pick them up. Once you touched a baby, it would blow you to pieces. Fingers and teeth everywhere. I remember one time in Pleiku, a small little girl about six walked into a bunch of GI's and exploded. Another time there was this fat little girl sitting on a pile of dirt and was not moving; crying yes, but not moving. We did not get too close, but we walked around her. Good thing, too, she had a wire around her waist going down the crack of her ass into the ground. We had a jeep with us. Put a loop under her arms and a good hundred feet of rope between her and the jeep. That jeep took off and that girl came off that pile in two ways, pulled and pushed. She left a thirty foot crater and lost a foot also. When the GI's saw abandoned babies they often didn't ask questions. They just gave them a wide berth and blew them up. One time I ate part of one. That scared the mam-sans all to hell...' Dale Merle Nelson: A sexually dysfunctional lumberjack, Dale fought his impotence with violence and liquor. On September 5, 1970, tanked up with booze and hatred, he drove to his wife's relatives' house where he killed a women and her seven-year-old daughter. Feeling a bit hungry, he slit the young girl's gut and munched on the half-digested food in her entrails. He then went to a neighbor's house and killed all six inside, sodomizing an eight-year-old girl as she died. Feeling hungry again, he returned to the first house and stole the corpse he previously had for dinner. (Comment on this)
10:14 am	there was a black family speaking spanish in the lobby at work. and it's not that i thought it odd that black people were speaking spanish, but that they were speaking spanish as a primary language. i have a post-it note on my desk with a pee-count from october 14. my bladder is so tiny and i don't know what to do with it. for the third time in my life i bought the nirvana box-set. there are two disc 1's and no disc 2. my dad once told me and my brother that he wanted to be called 1-800-Fandango. this was when we were all giving each other nicknames. the other night sean referred to a joint he once made as looking like a tchernobyl baby. i bought the will smith music video collection; just the two of us and gettin jiggy wit it SKIP AND THEN FREEZE! these are just some things i was thinking about this morning. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 1st, 2009
5:53 pm	last night wes and i got coffee and talked a little about the poetry zine were trying to put out. then we watched a dylan dvd at jordan's house. today the three of us got breakfast and coffee. they're the only people i really see, these days. i'm trying to be more open/honest with myself and those around me. because i'm still foolishly in love with allie, and i sometimes hate myself for it. but people need to know it. i think it explains a lot. we went and saw cocorosie together last week, and it started all over again. i spend most of my time walking, writing, listening to records, watching the simpsons/arrested development/john wayne movies, and reading. i started smoking again. i quit smoking again. i'm going to new york on the greyhound in t-one month, 1 day. i've been wanting to go to a museum lately. heidi...let's get on it. i'm drinking very little. which is good. but a 40 of mickeys could never be replaced. this is all boring. because my life is pretty simple. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 14th, 2009
7:10 pm	in your honor, i will watch roadhouse and point break every day for the next 2 weeks. so long, patrick. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
8:11 pm	driving down the 99 with gospel music. my bus ticket to brooklyn is 9 pages long. went fishing with my grandpa. just north of sequoia national park. left my wallet in bakersfield. not at all like leaving your heart in san francisco. i'm broke. when i am at work, i wear a suit. like this... i'm having a 2 year old move into my house. i don't really know why. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 20th, 2009
11:58 pm	they asked "why aren't you ready to date yet?" and i said "because i can't find anyone who wants to watch die hard and alf with me" and they laughed and i was mad. i'm posting this as i take a shit. i love laptops. i watched the sun set it quartzite, arizona a few nights ago. watching the sunset in arizona is like taking 5 minutes to reflect on your entire life. tonight i closed the casket, blew out the candles, locked up the chapel, and sat in the dark listening to candlebox's "far behind" before clocking out and driving home. it's good. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
8:21 pm	i was told that i have a sadistic, violent, and sexually puerile sense of humor because i don't know how to love. i say, in response, that i have a sadistic, violent, and sexually puerile sense of humor because i have had to love more than once. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 12th, 2009
12:33 pm	i wish two friends could just fuck their troubles away, turning complications into ease. like in the movies. avril lavigne is on the radio. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 7th, 2009
3:28 pm	today i was driving to work, in my prius, with my sleeves rolled up to my elbows, my tie flapping about my face in the wind, wayfarers on, and neil young bursting out of the speakers. i laughed as i acknowledged the world's earliest mid-life crisis. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 9th, 2009
11:35 pm	i'm certain i am bipolar. how typical. everyone is sad. all of the time. and if someone isn't, someone else is twofold. i am completely void of energy and motivation. i want so badly to live outside, and to eat bugs, and to ride my bike across the country. but pouring my own milk seems a chore. i do enjoy my walks, but more often than not only because i need to think. thinking does not happen in my home. nor does writing. i do that on sidewalks and lawns. i have headaches. and every morning my phlegm is monstrous. i reorganized my room, because it's the only change in my life i could execute. i think in the last two months i've probably written 25 poems. i would say 23 of those are about the same woman. falling into a hold like that could be the death of a creative outlet. if life never changes, never improves or differs, how do people live to be so old? i'll likely shoot my own throat if i'm still chasing the same old story after my back's hunched and my brain's pudding'd. where does the time go? life is funny. i do like it. but only if i look at it very slowly. very chronologically. today, only. if i peak at tomorrow, i will likely not want to stick around for it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
7:00 pm	i'm kind of in love with this girl. i'd like to see kd lang make a suit look adorable. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
8:21 pm	i guess average is a little better than nothing... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 14th, 2009
7:33 am	America (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 9th, 2009
12:09 am	sometimes i wish i were smart and did well in high school, so i could have gone off to college and picked up some std's and a degree that would let me get a, you know, real job. i mean i love my job. but i need money. my job doesn't really give me that. but then again, i've decided to devote my life to watching tv. i am absolutely loving this weather. the world- or southern california, i should say- needs more rain. and apparently so does australia. poor, poor australia. if i prayed, i would pray for them. but i don't, so i will post livejournal entries. i'm lovesick, so i'm just going to have sex with whoever is willing. is that responsible? today, 900 world war II veterans will die. Current Music: beatles (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
5:51 pm	2009 was going to be my year. i guess it still can be. if i start making 25$ an hour more than i make now. shit sucks, but i guess i'm doing pretty good. (15 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 26th, 2008
5:04 am	complain all you want, but you'll always be controlled. it's not us who give in to the needs and the wants. it's not us who forbid ourselves from actually falling into feelings and desires. i'm sorry that i'm human. and i'm sorry that i'm actually a decent human being. yes...for the first time in quite a while i am willing to say openly, without embarrassment, that i am a good person. and i'm sorry that it worked out this way. i'm sorry that you, also a good person, got stuck with the emotional attachment to someone who will always feel superior to any being that walks the earth; who will always rely on the one person in the evaluation who has never really cared. but we've all been guilty of that at one point of our lives. what i'm really sorry about is that you've met, face to face, with something better and stronger, but don't give a shit about it because it didn't come first. chronology is key when you're our age. i must always remember that. happy holidays, everyone. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 4th, 2008
12:27 am	you just read something that said "let's get a bottle and drink alone tonight" and immediately thought that it was the most romantic thing you'd heard in a while. why? you are surrounded by friends that have always dropped everything for you, and continue to prove to you that your well being means more to them than their own, yet you'd rather search high and low for someone who may not be there in the end, but sure as fuck could supply you with an interesting story. why? because your name is tyler gotch, and you figure life is just far too damn ordinary. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
6:17 pm	this is the most precious thing i've ever seen i would marry feist on a rainy day in seattle in a heartbeat. (Comment on this)